Not Without My Daughter

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Betty spent an hour making calls home and gathering her wits before accepting her fate and heading home. She coached Mahtob to lie about their whereabouts and wondered at her daughter’s resilience at having to grow up so fast. Nothing could protect them from Moody, however. He banned Betty from ever leaving the house again. The second time I read the book, probably around 2003/2004,I was reading it as an Iranian man's wife. I still loved the book and this time I knew a whole lot more about the culture. No spoilers in this review of the Not Without My Daughter trilogy: Not Without My Daughter , My Name Is Mahtob, and Lost Without My Daughter.

Moody’s laziness also increased as Betty had expected it to. He no longer bothered to go on the school run with Betty. Khanum Shaheen noticed this and told Betty she could not allow her to use the phone or leave the building, but if she was ever late, they could overlook that. Lost Without My Daughter suffers from its own version of classism. Where Not Without My Daughter seeks fault in Iran and Islam, Lost Without My Daughter does so in social status and affluence. Moody repeatedly claims he bought Betty expensive things to calm her temper and nerves. In the States, it was a lavish house, furniture, etc., and in Iran it was gold, Persian carpets, and other luxuries. One has to wonder why he never questioned the need to repeatedly calm her using material objects. I can agree that objectively, this book did make me wonder about people in the US being subjected to anti Iranian sentiments that might not be true.. Moody certainly didn't do himself any favors in how he authored this book. The next few days passed in a fog, but Betty had the presence of mind to count the cash she had left over from their shopping trips. She counted out almost a hundred dollars in American bills and the equivalent of two thousand dollars in Iranian riyals. She hid it under the mattress at night and on her person during the day. According to the book, she and her husband, Sayed Bozorg Mahmoody, and daughter, Mahtob, traveled to Iran in August 1984 for what her husband said would to be a two-week visit with his family in Tehran. Once the two weeks were over, however, he refused to allow his wife and child to leave. Mahmoody became trapped in a culture hostile to Americans, a family hostile to her, and an abusive husband. According to the book, Mahmoody's husband separated her from her daughter for weeks on end. He also beat her and threatened to kill her if she tried to leave.Hopefully Betty and Mahtob will never know what it means to have your country thrown into turmoil. If they did, they might better understand Moody’s desire to help the injured in Iran. As to whether he lied to take them to Iran or not, none of the books are able to verify that. Moody claims they rented their house before leaving, and Betty claimed they sold the one Moody speaks of and left another house ready for their return. Miss Alavi mysteriously showed up outside the apartment. She told Betty everything was arranged for her Zahedan trip and she would find Mahtob. Betty planned a thanksgiving party with Alice, and they ventured out on several shopping trips. Alice showed Betty where she could make long distance phone calls from, and Betty gleefully told her family she would be home for Thanksgiving.

The trauma of witnessing abuse and the unresolved nature of resentments is obvious in Mahtob’s state of mind and health within My Name is Mahtob. Sadly, children are always the real victims. The movie then plunges us into a world of Islamic fundamentalism, which it depicts in shrill terms as one of men who beat their wives, of a religion that honors women by depriving them of what in the West would be considered basic human rights, of women who are willing or unwilling captives of their men. No attempt is made - deliberately, I assume - to explain the Muslim point of view, except in rigid sets of commands and rote statements. No Muslim character is painted in a favorable light; the local people who help the heroine are dissidents or outlaws. We are not even permitted to learn what they say, because the film declines to use subtitles to translate the considerable spoken dialogue of the Iranian characters. I would like to mention that I have never met any Iranians that are anything like Betty’s former in-laws, but doesn’t mean that they’re not out there. The family was a crazy one to say the least: extreme, fanatical, superstitious, and never mind disgusting with their hygiene (but let’s not go there!). Her husband was an absolute tyrant and her life had become a living hell. Despite their deep connection,Betty did not want to remarry. She told Moody she relished her freedom and wanted to keep it that way. He was happy to go along with it, but other forces were pushing them together. Betty had risen to a position at work which had never been filled by a woman. Although she was getting paid considerably less for it, she was living up to her own ambitions. She had achieved what no woman in her town had achieved. I am really looking forward to the discussion on this one with my friend and while I enjoyed the read I did find this one was a little long but this might be more the fact that it was a re-read.Not Without My Daughter and My Name is Mahtob both paint a picture of Moody as a stubborn, obsessive monster. By this logic, he should have followed them to the States as soon as they went missing. As both books testify, he never actually showed up. This question is answered in Lost Without My Daughter. Moody relates how Betty pushed her departure until after his green card had expired, and she took his Iranian passport with her, buying herself some time. As I think about concluding my review, I bump up against the question haunting me through months of reading all three: Would I recommend them? In the writing of this review, I have found that answer. Yes, I would. No book should ever be condemned because it doesn’t fit within the current world or offend your sensibilities. Read all three, do your own research, and form your own opinion. Like an answer to a prayer, someone put her in touch with Amahl. Amahl had a reassuring presence and confidence that was a comfort to Betty. He told her to call him as much as possible, and he said he would actively work on getting them out. My Name is Mahtob is in a league of its own. It exists beyond the glaring stereotypes in Betty’s book but goes on endlessly about everything American. It even manages to find patriotism in a Toblerone bar! And it helps to remember that her book was published in 2015, which, combined with cultural advancements within the States and Mahtob’s travel around the world to promote her mother’s book, should have progressed beyond the stereotypes in Not Without My Daughter. Sadly, nothing of that sort is forthcoming. During one of the Nowruz parties, Moody met a doctor who offered to help with his license. Great news followed soon after that with the arrival of a job offer from the same hospital. The license still wasn’t sorted out, but they really needed an anesthesiologist, so they were going to ignore that technicality. This cheered Moody up immensely, and he showered smiles and kindness upon Betty and Mahtob.